it is easy for me
to walk about
any city
but not about Beirut
the city of my birth
I turned to my own
in my own archive
keyword Beirut
and found the pictures
I last took there
in the coolness of 2003
for many years
I wanted to distance
Beirut and Lebanon
from my being
they are beautiful
but uneasy
the mood was calm
but uncertain
optimism was cautious
I wanted to be free
of nationality
of religion
of any label
structures in conflict
old, new, falling,
building, rebuilding
the city was vital
but ominous
I thought I succeeded
but in the heat of 2006
another war revealed
the fragility of peace
the frailness
of my realization
and the chain of bond
belligerent jets
breaking sound
threatening danger
I strolled by day
I prowled by night
Beirut and the Lebanon
came back to possess me
my emotions were torn
I suffered
not afraid of
what Beirut is
but of what it can be
a city uneasy
about itself
I sought relief
I scoured the web
for news
for pictures
for images
uneasy about Beirut
I found them
and they took me down